A Megillah for 5768

JSPAN Board member Rabbi Robert Layman has written the following Purim Political Primer for our enjoyment! And it came to pass in the days of King Dubya, he is the same Dubya that reigned over fifty states from the distant islands of the great Western Sea to the peninsula of the frozen north, thence across the vast expanse to the great Eastern Sea, northeastward to the village founded by his ancestor Kenneth Bunkport, thence southward to the Land of the Hanging Chad, whence he was anointed, that he assembled his chieftains, advisors, and sages at Bayith Lavan.* The king addressed his courtiers in the following words: "The Lord spoke to me in a still, small voice saying, Go forth and rule over this vast land with a strong arm and an outstretched hand. Do not follow the ways of your predecessor, William the Tikvahite, called by some the man from Hope, who brought prosperity to the land and performed miracles, notably a budget surplus. Yet, he sinned against Me. "I swore to the Lord saying that I would not give cause to the ruling councils to do unto me what they did unto William the Tikvahite, that is to ...er, implum, ...er, impineapple..." Whereupon his most trusted advisor, Karl son of Rove whispered in the king's ear, saying, "My lord the king, thou art in the wrong orchard. The word for which thou gropest is 'imPEACH." The king nodded his head and said, "Verily, thou art the wisest among men, Pancho," and those assembled answered Amen. * that is, White House CHAPTER TWO And it came to pass in the fifth year in the reign of King Dubya that a great storm struck the southern part of his vast realm, bringing rain, floods and devastation so that the inhabitants believed that the Lord had forgotten His promise to Noah. For many days the people endured deprivation; there was neither food nor water and many were rendered homeless. Yet, the agents of King Dubya tarried for many days in rendering succor. Nevertheless, the king praised his chief agent, declaring, "O Brown One, thou hast done a heckuva job." As time passed, the inhabitants of the vast land between the Great Seas, the distant islands and the frozen north grew weary and restless because of the king's lapses in judgment and an endless war inflicted on the inhabitants of the desert near the ancient land of the Medes and the Persians advised by Richard the Cheneyite and Donald of Rumsfeld. And they clamored for a new king. CHAPTER THREE And it came to pass in the seventh year in the reign of King Dubya that the people began their quest for a new ruler early and in earnest. A multitude of men and one woman proclaimed their desire to be king (or queen). In the course of time the multitude diminished to a few: a man of hoary head and similar disposition from the desert of the southwest; a woman fair of hair, verily the wife of William the Tikvahite, and a man of swarthy countenance, like King Saul. The latter two caused quite a stir, for never before in the annals of the vast land had a woman and a man of swarthy countenance engendered the exultation of the masses. And the outcome of the people's choice, will it not be written in the chronicles of the Republicans and the Democrats in the time to come? CHAPTER FOUR will be written on the morrow of the day when the people express their preference, on the sixth day of the eighth month, that is Heshvan, corresponding to the fourth day of the eleventh month according to the reckoning of the nations.